Worus

When you’re upset and you don’t know why, that’s a pretty crappy feeling.

The last few days I seem to have no motivation to do anything, especially school. I thought things would be better today. I was quite cheery this morning, much moreso than most. That faded, though. I wish I knew what was wrong, because then I could sort things out, and be able to be productive again.

This sort of thing always happens at the worst possible time too. I mean, when is it a good time to feel blue? Never, I know, but this always seems to happen towards the end of the semester. It’s the time that I need to care most about being productive, and I always end up caring the least. Last semester it held me back in physics, this semester, I’m not sure what is going to happen.

I don’t understand how I can hate and love a class so much. This is currently happening in not only physics, but programming languages. When I understand what’s going on in lecture for programming langauges, I find it absolutely fascinating. However, Dr.Lumpe sometimes falls off into mumbling, and I get lost for a while.

Last night we were at the computer labs until 3:00 a.m. because of this class. I didn’t get to sleep more than four hours. I have eaten almost nothing since yesterday at lunch. I hate the fact that things don’t work, but at the same time, I love the times where when there is a missing link, that we think out loud. I like building a parse tree and stepping through it with someone. The mutual understanding is wonderful. I like applying myself, but I hate being frustrated. I love the features of Scheme that get shown (functions are first class values), but I hate the uncertainty that comes with programming in a language in which I have almost no formal training or fluency.

I guess it’s just not a win-win situation with this class. All in all, I’m really glad that I’m taking it. It’s challenging me, teaching me new things, and even sparking interest. However, I hate the sheer amount of time and frustration associated with it. I will deal.

We’re starting really, really interesting stuff now. We’re going to learn how to build an interpreter for a language like Pascal. I’m cautiously frightened of the road ahead, and excited to see where it leads.

I must eat.