Worus

I think that I have the fairy tale imagery in my head that things are going to magically work out and the two of us will never fight. Ever. We will never be upset with each other. We will never get on each other’s nerves. We will never have any of the problems that naturally happen when two people get close. Never.

I don’t know why I seem to think that is the way that things are, because it’s not true; and I know that. We’re not fighting or anything serious at all; but there are still things that frustrate me.

Last night I ask him did he want to go to Target with me so that I could get some red pants for World AIDS Day on Saturday and buy a Christmas present for Jessie. He told me sure. Unfortunately, he fell asleep.

This didn’t really bother me, though. I laid there with him for a while in an uncomfortable position. I shifted here, and there. I was wearing two layers of clothes, because it’s cold outside, so I got warm and had to sit up. I leaned over to give him a hug and a kiss. I’m sure he felt it. He didn’t move. Not an inch. A few minutes later I ask him if he was okay, he said that he was after some delay.

What bothers me is not that he fell asleep, or that we didn’t go to Target, but that he ignored me. It felt like I didn’t even exist for a moment. I know that he didn’t know any better, and that makes it mostly okay; but that is something that just really, really bothers me.

I know that I do things to bother him too. Jabbing his side, considering it playful; tickling him for long periods of time; not being able to spend as much time together as he’d like (or as I’d like for that matter); calling after midnight; and oh so much more.

While I like to think that we’ll never be upset with each other and that things will always be fairy-tale like; I’m not naïve enough to believe that they’re true.

Usually when I start to really think about how I’m frustrated, I’m driving in the car. This comes to no surprise considering how much I drive. Yet something always happens that reminds me of him, and how much I really do care.

Today I turned on the radio and Slide, by the Goo-Goo Dolls was on. I was just reminded how much I really do care. I guess that fairy-tale world where there are never any abrasions will just never exist.

Back to school today. I skipped computer engineering, though. I hadn’t finished the homework and couldn’t wake myself up in time to finish it. It didn’t even look that hard, but that damn sleep button got the best of me. Spanish was good, though. The classroom was way empty so I kept getting called on.

Break was good, though. I meant to write during break, but I was having personal issues (which are resolved) that were preventing me from thinking of anything to write. At times, it just seemed like whatever I typed was mindless drivel so I would delete it and start again, but this time with nothing to say. I feel better now, though.

I spent most of my break with Dean or at work. It was good to spend all that time with him. Saturday night I fell asleep on his lap while he was watching Transformers the Movie, and I woke up much later. I have to say that I haven’t been happier to wake up in a long time.

As much as I enjoyed my time with Dean, I wished I would have seen all of those other people. I did get to see Mandy one night, but that was it. I tried to call her one other night, and no one was home. I thought about calling other people various other times during break, but I sort of felt like I would be intruding. I’ll need to dispell that thought process in the future.

I think Dean picked up on it, though. He asked if I would like to see if we could do something with my friends this Friday since we would be going to Blast on Saturday. Hopefully there will be better balance in the future.