Tuesday, October 30th, 2001
This weekend was good. I got to spend some time with Dean, which was cool. I don’t know, though. I feel somewhat torn. I really want to spend time with him, but I don’t spend that much time with my other friends, either. It’s not like two days a week is a lot to even get to see him, and I’m grateful to even get that with him. Still, it seems like I haven’t seen my other friends in forever.
I did see Mandy, Veronica, and Ryan last weekend, and that was good. The problem is that I don’t know what’s going on in their lives anymore. I miss being able to know that when I ask them what’s new and their response is “nothing” that it’s so because I already know what’s going on. Anymore, it’s the same type of response, but only because what’s gone on has probably been too much to elaborate on and isn’t really that important in the long run. Even though it’s not important, I’d still love to know about it.
I don’t mean to cast blame on anyone when I say that, because I do exactly the same thing. I don’t know if anyone else is doing it, but I know that I am when I’m actually doing it, so I assume as much about everyone else.
I hate to say that I want to live in the past forever or anything, because that’s not true. There’s no point in being stuck on the past. Rather, I want to be able to live in the here and now and into the future instead. I’d just like to do it with everyone.
It also seems like whenever Dean and I do something with people, it’s always with his friends. It’s not that I’m not friends with these people or anything, but they’re all people that I have met through him. I don’t remember the last time that we did something with people he’s met through me and planned it in advance.
The weekend before last, we were going to do something with people he’s met through me, but he cancelled to go haunted housing with Kim since it seemed fairly important to her. I told him it was his own choice, and that, while I wanted him to be there, that I would understand. And I do understand. We did end up seeing him, but that was because Mandy and I went over and got him later in the evening. My point is not that he didn’t choose to come with us or anything, but that the last and only times that I can remember doing anything with him and people I’ve introduced him to have been times that we’ve come to get him.
However, like I mentioned, I do understand. Haunted housing was important to Kim. Like enough that she got upset when Danielle couldn’t make it on Sunday because she had to put her daughter to bed (a good excuse in my mind). Hence, it doesn’t bother me that he wasn’t with us in order to appease Kim in some way. Dean has his obligations as well.
I don’t know the solition, and I feel like I’m just digging myself into a hole where I think of extremely negative things for no apparent reason. Thusly, I will stop on this topic for my own good.
I have math and computer engineering tests on Monday. I really, really need to do some math problems. I always say, “After I finish this I’ll do math problems,” but I never do. I don’t exactly have tons of problems to catch up on by any means, but I would like to get everything learned by the end of the week so that things are good when I’m studying Sunday night and Monday afternoon. It would suck to have to pull everything together Monday afternoon right before the exam. As for computer engineering, who knows. The truth is that this is the last of both of these subjects that I’ll have to take and I find it hard to care about either. Wrong as it is, it’s true.
Today’s been alright. I’m done with classes, and I still have to do last week’s computer engineering lab. After this, I’m off to that.